White Hair Club
by ablast4
Summary: Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.  Their club activity is to visit white haired characters from other animes.
1. Club Members

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: This story dedicated to my friend, Storm Alert

"This captain's meeting is now called to order!" Yamamoto boomed as he banged his staff against the floor, "Toady we will be discussing your private lives. It is my opinion that, with the exceptions of Captains Zaraki and Kyoraku, you all do too much work and therefore need a hobby so you don't get too stressed and snap. I will not see any more of my captains sent to the psyche ward. It would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the mebers you would not normally associate with."

"So what's the plan, old man?" Kyoraku asked casually.

"The plan," Yamamoto said with an irritated voice, "is to have each captain form a club or join the club of another captain. All lieutenants will also be required to join a club, but a captain must be present to lead the club. Seated officers or unseated officers with the recommendation of two captains may also join. If a captain cannot find at least two other members for their club, they must join the club of another captain. The lieutenants have already been informed of this by my lieutenant, and a notice will be posted on squad bulletin boards for seated officers."

"But wait, you said Zaraki and I were exceptions, so we don't have to do it right?" Kyoraku asked slyly.

"I said you were not too stressed, by which I mean you are not stressed enough. You will each join a club because you are plagued with too much free time," Yamamoto answered bluntly. "Also, the department of R and D is similar enough to a club activity that Captain Kurotsuchi will not be required to join or form a club."

"I'm glad at least you recognize it's significance," Mayuri said sarcastically, though he was actually relieved his work would not be interrupted for a club. Everyone else was relieved they would not be in a club with him.

"Does everyone understand?" Yamamoto asked the group.

"Yes head captain!" came their reply.

"Dismissed!"

As the captains filed out of the hall, Ukitake caught up with Toshiro. "So what kind of club are you going to make?" he asked the child prodigy. "I have no idea," Toshiro responded with an air of disdain. "You know, we should be in a club together!" Ukitake said brightly. "Why?" Toshiro asked, "The only thing we have in common is our white hair." "Then we'll be the White Hair Club!" the older captain announced excitedly. The younger captain sighed, "I don't have a choice, do I?"

Soifon was thinking happy thoughts as she walked out of the hall. "I'm going to make a cat fanclub!" she said to herself gleefully but quietly. However, she was overheard. "Excuse me, did you say you were going to make a 'cat' fanclub?" Komamura inquired. "Yeah, that's right," Soifon answered blankly. "Well, can I join?" The furred captain asked eagerly. "Oh, you want to join?" Soifon asked, confused. "What? Am I not allowed to?" Komamura asked with disappointment. "No," Soifon responded, "I just figured you'd be more of a 'dog' person." Komamura answered, "It's okay, I get that a lot."

As Byakuya strolled away from the hall, Unohana asked him, "Do you have any ideas for a club, Captain Kuchiki?" Byakuya stopped walking and responded, "I was planning to form a literary arts club." "Do you mean poetry?" The healer asked. "That is exactly what I mean," the noble replied, "Members of the club would study the works of famous poets and share favorite and original poems with the group." "That sounds pleasant. May I join?" Unohana asked. "I would be honored to have you as a member," Byakuya responded respectfully.

Shunsui remained behind in the hall. "So what club are you starting?" he asked the head captain. "Are you crazy!" Yamamoto responded indignantly, "I have way too much work to do to be involved in this club nonsense!" "Uh huh," Kyoraku sweat-dropped.

As he exited the hall, the lazy captain was approached by a frantic lieutenant. "Captain Kyoraku!" she shouted to get his attention. "Huh, Rangiku, what's up?" he asked her calmly. "Captain Kyoraku, I need you to be the president for our Liquor Critique Club," Matsumoto told him. "Really, what do you mean by that?" Kyoraku asked, puzzled. Rangiku explained, "Basically we're a group of elite sake gourmets who tour the Rukon district and rate the specialty drinks of each bar based on flavor, color, texture, and consistency. Then after we're done with that, we get so drunk we can barely see." Kyoraku blinked, "So it's a drinking club?" "Yep," Rangiku responded cheerfully.

"A drinking club, huh?" Kenpachi had noticed the commotion Rangiku was causing and decided to see what it was about. "I'm smart enough to know the old man's not gonna let me start another fight club, so a drinking club's the next best thing. I want in," the violent captain told them with a sinister smile. "Sure," Rangiku replied, "Two captains is better than one!"

And so the captains were paired off. The young with the old. The big with the small. The warm with the cool. The pacifist with the belligerent. Then Mayuri and S. G. aren't mentioned because they're mostly boring and keep to themselves.

The clubs final members and their reason for joining are as follows.

White Hair Club

President: Jushiro Ukitake; it was his idea

Vice-pres: Toshiro Hitsugaya; this was his best option

Member: Chojiro Sasakibe; thought it would be fun

Member: Isane Kotetsu; wanted to join the Literary Arts Club, but Unohana insisted

Cat Fanclub

President: Soifon; loves cats

Vice-pres: Sajin Komamura; also loves cats

Member: Nemu Kurotsuchi; cats are soft and needles are sharp

Member: Yachiru Kusajishi; none of the other clubs would take her

Literary Arts Club

President: Byakuya Kuchiki; likes poetry

Vice-pres: Retsu Unohana; also likes poetry

Member: Nanao Ise; good opportunity to get away from Kyoraku, and likes poetry

Member: Momo Hinamori; thought it would help her relax

Member: Rukia Kuchiki; got the okay from Byakuya and Jushiro, wants to spend time with her brother

Liquor Critique Club

President: Shunsui Kyoraku; likes booze

Vice-pres: Rangiku Matsumoto; likes booze

Member: Shuhei Hisagi; likes Rangiku

Member: Kenpachi Zaraki; loves to fight, but also likes booze

Member: Marechiyo Omaeda; bars usually have peanuts

Member: Kira Izuru; most of his friends are doing it

Member: Tetsuzaemon Iba; likes booze

Member: Renji Abarai; likes booze

Member: Ikaku Madarame; likes booze

Member: Yumichika Ayasegawa; likes alcohol, booze is such an unbeautiful word

"Leave me alone, I have work to do!" Club

President: S. G. Yamamoto; has work to do

Vice-pres: Mayuri Kurotsuchi; also has work to do

Member: Kiyone Kotetsu; wants to impress her captain more than Sentaro

Member: Sentaro kotsubaki; wants to impress his captain more than Kiyone

Member: Yasochika Iemura; has to run the hospital while the captain and lieutenant are out

Member: Hanataro Yamada; needs to heal people

Member: Makizo Aramaki; does all of Squad 11's paperwork

A/N: Though not officially a club, I believe the "Leave me alone, I have work to do!" Club still deserved mention for whatever reason. Please review with your ideas for club activities, I want this story to be focused on the White Hair Club, but their will be side stories involving the other clubs.


	2. First Visit and Cat Fanclub

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: It took me a while, but I finally decided on a club activity for the WHC. Also, I didn't notice this when I first wrote it, but all the clubs are all girls with one guy or all guys with one girl. Club members are all on a first name basis. Conversations involving more than four people will be written in script format.

"I now call to order the first meeting of the White hair club!" Ukitake announced from the head of the table in their club room. They had been assigned a small room near the squad 13 barracks to hold their club activities in.

"Great," Toshiro mumbled irritably, "So what are we doing? Did you decide on a club activity?"

Jushiro smiled brightly, "I'm glad you asked that. You see, I actually did manage to come up with something for us to do. We're going to travel across realms visiting characters with white/gray/silver hair from other popular animes."

Toshiro sighed, "Does that mean we're going into Naruto's world?"

"Well, no," Ukitake said sheepishly, "I looked into that but it turned out to be a bust. The third hokage said he was too busy, I want to keep Jiraiya away from Isane, and I want to keep Kabuto away from you, Toshiro. Instead we'll be visiting Inuyasha and Sesshomaru first."

Jushiro had managed to talk the head captain into allowing them to use one of the court guard squad's senkaimon to use for their club activities. The group of four approached the senkaimon. "Should we really be doing this?" Isane asked hesitantly. "It'll be fine," Ukitake assured her. "But what if we can't get back?" she asked nervously. "We'll be able to get back, stop worrying so much," the older captain said to calm her down. "Let's just go already," Toshiro mumbled as he stepped through the senkaimon. Ukitake followed immediately after.

Isane glanced back at Chojiro, who responded with, "Ladies first." Then she too stepped through the portal, with Chojiro bringing up the rear.

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"So did everyone bring in their pretty kitty for the Cat Fanclub meeting?" Soifon asked cheerfully. The Cat Fanclub's meeting room was an open space with a few plants against the walls. The club members were seated on a tatami mat floor.

"Yachiru and I are present, but Sajin seems to be running late," Nemu answered.

Soifon frowned momentarily, but then brightened again saying, "Well, we'll just start without him. Nemu, you go first."

Nemu nodded, "Understood. This is my father's cat, Pokey. What makes him special is that he has listening devices implanted under his skin, as well as venomous claws and a remote destruct feature." She held up a gray cat that meowed grumpily.

Soifon blinked a few times. "That's a very special cat," she said unsurely after a pause.

"Yay! My turn!" Yachiru shouted, "This is my kitty, Gumball! What makes her special is I made her completely out of candy!" She held up a sticky looking cat made out of gum, taffy, and other assorted sweets.

Soifon stared. "How... unnerving," she said with slight disgust.

"It would be your turn, Soifon," Nemu reminded her.

Soifon smiled and said, "This is my cat, Little Yoruichi! What makes her special is she looks just like Yoruichi's cat form!" Soifon held up a black cat with yellow eyes. Then a masculine chuckle filled the room, which soon turned into laughter. "What's so funny, Little Yoruichi?" Soifon asked her cat. "What's funny is that you haven't realized yet," her cat responded.

"Woah! That kitty just talked!" Yachiru said with amazement. More laughter followed.

Suddenly steam filled the room. When it cleared, there was a purple haired, completely nude woman sitting on Soifon's lap.

"Lady Yoruichi, it's you!" Soifon exclaimed. "Well who else would it be?" she asked. "I thought you were just a cat," Soifon admitted. "Nope, it was me the entire time," Yoruichi smirked.

"So it was you when I first brought you home?" Soifon asked.

"Yep," she answered.

"And when I left you there all day with no food?" Soifon continued.

"Yep," came her response.

"And the time I put tuna on my, um, special place to see if you would lick it off?" Soifon ventured.

"No. That time it was just a cat. It was just a hungry cat who couldn't resist the smell of delicious tuna," Yoruichi answered extremely awkwardly.

Nobody said anything for several minutes, then the door slid open. "Sorry I'm late," Sajin apologized as he entered the room, "I was having trouble finding the place and my cat, Tora, ate some bad meat so I couldn't... Am I interrupting something?"

"No, you're fine. Come on in," Yoruichi welcomed him as she climbed off of Soifon's lap. Komamura entered the room and sat down uneasily.

"Yoruichi," Soifon whispered, "I don't mind if you're naked, but I think you're making Sajin uncomfortable. Could you go get some clothes?"

"Oh, right, clothes. I'll be right back," Yoruichi said as she left the room.

The four WHC members stepped out of the senkaimon into a barren land occupied only by a small village, some farms, and a few grazing animals.

"This is it," Jushiro told them, "Inuyasha should be somewhere in this village."

"How do we find him?" Toshiro asked with disinterest.

"I was told to follow the shouting," Ukitake responded while rubbing the back of his head with one hand.

As if to help move along the plot of a story, shouting emerged from one of the shoddier looking buildings.

"What's the big deal? It's just a piece of cloth!" a man's voice shouted.

"It's not just a piece of cloth! It's my underwear and it's a very personal item! So don't touch it!" a woman's voice shouted back.

"This them?" Toshiro asked. "Yeah," Ukitake answered. The other two remained quiet.

"It's cloth! And I'll touch it if I want to!" the man continued to shout.

"No you won't! Inuyasha, Sit!" the woman shouted with finality. There was a large thud followed by angry profanities.

Another voice joined, "This Sesshomaru would appreciate it if you two would be quiet. You're giving this Sesshomaru a headache."

"Excuse us," Jushiro interrupted politely, "We're the white hair club, here to visit Inuyasha and Sesshomaru."

"Sorry about all that yelling," Kagome apologized, "Inuyasha was just being an idiot again." She turned and shouted, "Hey Inuyasha, those people are here to see you and your brother!" "I know! I can hear!" Inuyasha shouted back.

Before they could get into another shouting match, Jushiro asked, "Is there somewhere private where we can hold our meeting?" "That building right there," she answered pointing to the nearest cottage before storming off.

Inuyasha got up and dusted himself off and walked purposefully into the cottage. The WHC followed him in. Sesshomaru was already inside. They all sat around a low table.

Jushiro: Thank you for doing this, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: Anything to give me a break from that annoying Kagome.

Jushiro: And thank you, Sesshomaru. I know you must be very busy with things.

Sesshomaru: That's incorrect. This Sesshomaru only came because this Sesshomaru had no other events to occupy his time.

Inuyasha: So you only came because you were bored?

Sesshomaru: That's another way to say it.

Jushiro: Well, whatever your reasons, you're here. So let's get started. You two both have noticeably white hair, how do you feel about that?

Inuyasha: I've never really thought about it, this is the hair color I was born with.

Sesshomaru: This Sesshomaru has the same story.

Toshiro: So what do we do now?

Jushiro: I don't know, I guess I didn't think this far ahead... So what do you guys do for fun?

Sesshomaru: If this Sesshomaru had anything fun to do, he wouldn't be here.

Inuyasha: I usually just go through Kagome's stuff when I'm bored.

Isane: That's probably why she got so mad earlier.

Inuyasha: Meh. So you guys wanna go look through her stuff?

Jushiro: That sounds interesting, but is there anything less invasive we could do?

Inuyasha: We could cock block Miroku.

Sesshomaru: From what I've seen, he doesn't need help with that.

Inuyasha: True. We could lock Shippo in a box.

Isane: That's terrible!

Inuyasha: No it's not, I poke holes in the top.

Sesshomaru: It is terrible. This Sesshomaru would never do something so heinous to his traveling companions.

Inuyasha: You don't have any traveling companions.

Sesshomaru: I have Rin.

Inuyasha: Really, where is she now?

Sesshomaru: This Sesshomaru put her in the care of the demon hunting woman you travel with.

Inuyasha: Sango?

Sesshomaru: Yes, that was her name.

Inuyasha: Why would you leave Rin with her?

Sesshomaru: She's violent, but she wouldn't harm a small child.

Jushiro: So, is Rin your daughter, Sesshomaru?

Sesshomaru: No, this Sesshomaru found her and decided to raise her.

Chojiro: That actually sounds a lot like Captain Zaraki and Lieutenant Kusajishi.

Jushiro: It does really.

The conversation continued for a couple of hours. The topic didn't stay on one thing in particular and eventually Toshiro, who didn't say much, decided to speak up.

Toshiro: Can we go back now? I've got work to do.

Jushiro: I suppose it is time we go back. Thank you again for agreeing to this.

Inuyasha: Sure, don't mention it.

Sesshomaru: This Sesshomaru somewhat enjoyed this meeting.

Jushiro: Great. We'll be leaving now.

The group said goodbye to the white haired demonic half brothers and exited the small cottage. It was a short walk back to the senkaimon and then the were back in Soul Society. They decided to each return to their offices rather than going back to the club room, at Toshiro's insistence.

The next week at the Cat Fanclub Yoruichi had chosen to come and was made a permanent member under the conditions that she either come with clothes on or stay in her cat form the entire time. As the roles of President and Vice-president were already filled, she was given the role of club mascot.

"Time for another meeting of the Cat Fanclub!" Soifon announced cheerfully, "Is everyone here today?"

"Sajin is late again, but everyone else is here," Nemu responded.

"Didn't he say he was bringing his cat today?" Yoruichi asked.

"Yeah, he's supposed to bring him in this week because he couldn't last week," Soifon answered.

A loud thumping came from the area just outside the door. "I'll get it!" Yachiru shouted as she jumped up. She ran over to the door and slid it open.

"Sorry I'm late again, I promise not to make a habit of it," Komamura apologized as he entered the room. Yachiru gaped in amazement. Soifon and Yoruichi stared in disbelief. Nemu stood on guard. "Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners?" Sajin apologized again. He held up his cat and announced, "This is my cat, Tora. What makes him special is he's an adult male Bengal Tiger!"

A/N: To make a few things clear: I was implying that Kabuto is a pedophile. The Yoruichi and Soifon part is technically implied bestiality, not implied yuri. By underwear, Kagome meant her bra. And Komamura couldn't open the door himself because he was holding 500lbs of adult male Bengal Tiger. Thank you and review.


	3. Second Visit and Literary Arts Club

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: Due to multiple people saying they wanted to see the WHC go to Naruto, and the fact that I completely forgot about the one valid candidate, there will be a Naruto cameo. All poems included in this chapter are original, if any are similar or the same as any existing poems, it is by coincidence and completely unintentional.

It was time again for another meeting of the White Hair Club. All of the members were gathered in the clubroom when Ukitake made his announcement, "I have something important to tell you all. I did some more digging and found someone relatively safe to visit in the Hidden Leaf Village. Today we'll be visiting Kakashi Hatake!"

"So we are doing Naruto?" Toshiro asked.

"Yes we are," Jushiro answered, "Everyone to the senkaimon."

There was a collective groan from the assembled members.

"Come on, it won't be that bad," Jushiro tried to convince them, though it was more to convince himself, "We'll only be there a few hours, then we never have to go back."

"Promise?" Isane begged.

"I promise. Now let's get this over with," Jushiro told her.

After a reluctant walk through the senkaimon the group arrived at the outskirts of the village. They were surrounded by trees and grass, with a few small buildings visible in the distance. The only thing that seemed out of place was a grown man with a bowl cut and bushy eyebrows walking on his hands.

"I was told to ignore him," Jushiro explained, "Let's just go."

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"Has everyone prepared their haiku for the first Literary Arts Club meeting?" Byakuya asked.

The club members were assembled in a circle in the Kuchiki garden. The beautiful scenery and the peaceful sounds of birds and running water made it an ideal place to hold meetings for poetry.

"Everyone's here except for Rukia and we all have our poems ready," Unohana responded.

"Despite being one member short, we will now begin the meeting. As club president, I shall go first," Byakuya said as he pulled out a small scroll and began to read from it.

"Sakura blossoms

reflect off of the water

floating through the air"

"I imagine that poem was inspired by your zanpakto," Unohana commented.

"It was," Byakuya replied.

"Sakura blossoms are kinda your thing, aren't they?" Nanao asked.

"They are," Byakuya responded.

"I thought it was very nice," Momo added.

"I'm glad you liked it," Byakuya told her, "Now I believe it is Retsu's turn to share."

"Alright then, here's mine," Unohana said as she pulled out her own scroll and read.

"Pretty flowers bloom

Flowers that have yet to bloom

are more beautiful"

"I think I get what you mean," Momo said.

"Is that so?" Unohana asked.

"Yeah, I feel the same way," Nanao answered.

"Good. What did you think of my poem, Byakuya?" Unohana asked the noble.

"It's not quite like anything I've heard before," Byakuya answered carefully.

"That's an interesting response," Unohana commented, "Nanao, you may share your poem now."

"Okay, here's my poem," Nanao said as she read from her own scroll.

"The mountain stands proud

Able to crush any foe

but moves not an inch"

"Oh, I see. It's about your captain, isn't it?" Unohana inquired.

"It is. I really hate how lazy he is," Nanao responded.

"He may be lazy, but he's not incompetent. He's held the position of captain far longer than I," Byakuya added.

"I know. He could accomplish so much if he just got his lazy butt into gear," Nanao sighed.

"Well, at least your captain's still here," Momo said sadly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Momo. I didn't mean to bring that up," Nanao apologized sincerely.

"No, it's okay," Momo sniffed and wiped away the tears that were started to form in her eyes, "That's what my poem was about anyway." She too pulled out her own scroll and began to read

"Bright admiration

replaced by bitter sadness

dies a silent death"

"That's very mature of you Momo. I'm happy to see that you're getting better," Unohana told her.

"I haven't completely recovered, but I'm starting to get over it," Momo replied.

"You have my support," Nanao added.

"That's good to know," Momo answered.

"You've been very strong. I'm honored to have you in this club," Byakuya told her.

"Thank you all so much," Momo said happily, "I'm very grateful to have friends like you."

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The club arrived at a small restaurant where the Jonin was already waiting. When they walked in, Kakashi looked up from his book and waved them over. They all sat down at the table and Kakashi tucked away the orange novel.

Kakashi: Hey, glad you could make it.

Jushiro: I am too. These are the club members; Toshiro, Chojiro, and Isane.

Kakashi: Good to meet you all. I'm Kakashi Hatake. You can just call me Kakashi.

Chojiro: It's a pleasure to meet you.

Isane: Me as well.

Toshiro: Whatever.

Jushiro: Toshiro, be polite.

Kakashi: It's fine, he's not hurting anyone. Now you said you had some questions for me, right?

Jushiro: Yes. Why is your hair white?

Kakashi: Why is my hair white? Let's see...

Kakashi leaned back and his visible eye shifted it's gaze to the ceiling. After a few moments, Kakashi refocused on the group.

Kakashi: I don't remember.

Toshiro: Of course you don't.

Jushiro: Okay then. Why do you always wear a mask?

Kakashi: Because my face gets cold easily. The mask is to keep it warm.

Toshiro: Are you sure you don't just have really bad acne?

Kakashi: No, I don't have really bad acne, but it would be kinda funny if I did.

Toshiro: Is this guy for real?

Jushiro: Now, Kakashi, you know a technique called chidori or the lightning blade, is that right?

Kakashi: That sounds familiar, but I'm not sure.

Jushiro: You use it all the time in the manga, and you taught Sasuke to use it.

Kakashi: That sounds like something I would do.

Jushiro: So could you show us?

Kakashi: Show you what?

Jushiro: The lightning blade!

Kakashi: The what now?

Jushiro: The jutsu where you gather chakra in your hand and it takes the form of lightning which you use as an attack.

Kakashi: Wow. Do you know someone who can do something like that?

Jushiro: You can do it.

Kakashi: I can do what?

Toshiro: Just drop it.

Jushiro: Alright then. So Kakashi, what do you do for entertainment?

Kakashi: I usually spend my spare time either training or reading.

Jushiro: That's nice. Do you know anything we could do as a group while we're here?

Kakashi: We could hang out at the bath house on the other side of the village.

Jushiro: That sounds relaxing.

Isane: It's separate baths, right?

Kakashi: Oh, sure. Come on, I'll lead you there.

The group of five exited the restaurant and were led down the street to a bath house. As they approached the entrances they noticed a hunched over figure just outside the entrance to the women's bath. Coincidentally, this figure also had white hair.

Jushiro: Isane, stand back, I don't think he's noticed you yet. I was really hoping we wouldn't run into him, but I guess I should have expected him to stalk around a place like this. Just keep quiet and we can sneak away.

Kakashi: Hey, Jiraiya! Good to see you again!

Jushiro: Why are you talking to him?

Kakashi: He's my favorite author.

Jiraiya: Hey Kakashi, who's your friend?

Kakashi: This is Isane. She's a visitor from Bleach and... she's gone. Oh well. So how's the work on your new book going?

Jushiro, Isane, Toshiro, and Chojiro were using flash step to get to the senkaimon and back to their own world as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, when the arrived at the senkaimon there were already two people there.

Orochimaru: Well, what is it?

Kabuto: I'm not sure, but it appears to be some kind of gateway to another realm.

Jushiro: It's Kabuto! Toshiro, hide!

Toshiro: Why?

Chojiro: Don't let him lure you into his van!

Toshiro: ...what?

Isane: He'll do things to you that will give you worse nightmares than the ones I have about fishsticks!

Toshiro: Have you all gone crazy?

Kabuto: Orochimaru, look. There are some people over there.

Orochimaru: Firstly, don't tell me what to do. Secondly, we can't let anyone know we're here. Destroy them.

Kabuto began running toward the White Hair Club. They were all too afraid to move, except for Toshiro, who was too indifferent to move. Then they all heard the sound of a thousand birds chirping at once. Quickly, Kakashi rushed in and nailed Kabuto in the chest with his chidori. Kabuto fell unconscious on the ground with a large burn wound where he had been struck.

Jushiro: Kakashi, thank you. You've saved Toshiro from that horrible monster, and you showed us the lightning blade!

Kakashi: What? No I didn't.

Jushiro: Yes you did, you used your chidori to take out Kabuto.

Kakashi: I didn't take out Kabuto.

Jushiro: Well then how'd he get that huge burn mark?

Kakashi: I don't know. He was like that when I got here.

Jushiro: Uh huh... Well the important thing is the threat is gone and we can go home safely now.

Isane: Thanks for saving Toshiro.

Orochimaru: Hold on! I'm still here!

Chojiro: We are truly in your debt, even if you deny it.

Kakashi: You guys have a safe trip home.

Isane: We will, thanks to you.

Orochimaru: Don't act like I'm not here! Ook, I have a hnake oming ou of y ouh. I heahy hgary! (Look, I have a snake coming out of my mouth. I'm really scary!)

Toshiro: I could have handled him on my own.

Isane: You don't have to act brave, Toshiro. We were scared too.

Orochimaru: Ow I have a hword an a hnake oming ou of y ouh. Aren ou hrightene? (Now I have a sword and a snake coming out of my mouth. Aren't you frightened?)

The white haired club had already departed, the senkaimon had closed and vanished, and the only other people there were the still unconscious Kabuto and Kakashi, who was reading his book.

Orochimaru: Aren ou ehe hgareh a ihhe? (Aren't you even scared a little?)

Kakashi: Huh? You say something?

Orochimaru: Ugh y ihe.

* * *

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"Everyone is here this time, good," Byakuya said to begin the club meeting, "Last week we shared haikus, this week we will be sharing limericks. Momo, would you kindly start us off?"

"Of course," Momo responded happily.

"Captain Aizen was a really nice guy,

but it was just an act that we all did buy.

He stabbed me in the gut,

kicked Squad Seven's butt,

and disappeared through a hole in the sky!"

As she finished her poem, Hinamori burst into giggles.

"What's up with Momo?" Rukia whispered to Nanao.

"I don't know. She was fine last week," Nano whispered back.

Byakuya stayed silent.

"After the club meeting, I'd like to discuss your poem with you in my office. Would that be alright?" Unohana asked gently.

"Sure, sounds fun," Momo answered, "But right now it's Nanao's turn."

"Okay, here's mine," Nanao announced.

"The captain is smart and he's strong,

but he naps on the roof all day long.

He drinks lots of liquor

and then we just bicker

about what he does right and does wrong."

"You wrote another poem about your captain? That's very sweet," Unohana commented.

"It's not meant to be sweet," Nanao replied.

"You don't have to be ashamed of falling in love with your captain. You just have to hope your captain doesn't turn evil and try to kill you like mine did," Momo assured her.

"How about I share mine now?" Unohana suggested quickly.

"Please do," Byakuya responded.

"They think they're important and fight

but they're really all bark and no bite.

If only they knew

that the hollows they slew

were less harmful than a dust mite."

"Squad Eleven?" Nanao inquired.

"That's correct," Unohana answered, "When I try to think of something humorous, they're usually what comes up."

"I agree that Squad Eleven members overestimate themselves. My lieutenant used to be a member of Squad Eleven himself," Byakuya stated.

"I remember that," Rukia added.

"Anyways, it's your turn now Byakuya," Unohana reminded him.

"Of course," Byakuya replied.

"Our household is nice and serene.

The whole place is tidy and clean.

But when the SWA

comes over to play,

it turns into an unpleasant scene."

At the end of his poem he glanced towards Nanao, his expression showing a hint of disdain. Nanao noticed this and responded defensively, "Hey, the president is the one who chooses the location for SWA meetings."

"I wasn't saying it was your fault," Byakuya assured her, though his voice held heavy conviction.

"I thought it was wonderful, Nii-sama," Rukia chimed in.

"Rukia, during club meetings, I would like you to call me by my first name," Byakuya told her.

Rukia hesitated before responding, "Okay, Byakuya."

"Good, now I believe it is your turn to share," Byakuya stated.

"Oh yeah. Since I was absent last week, I wrote two limericks for this weeks meeting," Rukia explained.

"There once was a rabbit named Chappy.

He smiled and laughed and was happy.

But then he got mad

and hurt Ichigo bad

because he said my drawings were crappy!"

"...your drawings are crappy," Nanao commented.

"They are not!" Rukia argued, "Isn't that right, Nii-sama?"

"Rukia, your artistic talent comes close to matching even my own. Anyone who says otherwise cannot appreciate true art," Byakuya claimed boldly. He had already given up on getting Rukia to call him by his first name.

"Ha! So take that Nanao!" Rukia shouted at the lieutenant.

"Rukia, you shouldn't act so childish at our club meeting. You're disturbing the other members," Unohana said calmly, a threatening shadow being cast over her forehead and eyes.

"My apologies, Vice-president Unohana. I will share my second poem now," Rukia told Retsu while barely preventing herself from soiling her clothes.

"I had lots of fun in Karakura town.

I hung out with friends and Kon was a clown.

I drank water from a faucet,

slept in Ichigo's closet,

then tripped on a rock and fell down!"

"You slept in Kurosaki's closet?" Byakuya repeated with disbelief.

"What, you didn't know I was staying with Ichigo?" Rukia answered with equal disbelief.

"I knew you were staying with him, but I thought you were sleeping in his sisters' room," Byakuya explained.

"I was, but before that I was sleeping in Ichigo's closet," Rukia replied.

"Would you tell me why you slept in his closet?" Byakuya asked.

"Closets can be quite comfortable. I slept in Captain Aizen's closet once, it smelled like him," Momo interrupted.

"That aside, Yachiru told me that she slept in your closet once, President," Nanao added.

Byakuya got up and started to leave. Unohana called after him, "Where are you going, Byakuya?"

"I'm going to the world of the living to discuss something with Kurosaki. I'll be back soon," Byakuya answered before disappearing.

"So do we just go home now?" Nanao wondered aloud.

"I think that would be best," Unohana responded and got up to leave herself.

* * *

><p><p>

"I told you, I'm not Ichigo! I'm a modsoul in Ichigo's body," Kon frantically attempted to explain to the ticked off captain in front of him.

"Then where's Kurosaki?" Byakuya asked coldly.

"He's out fighting hollows. Now could you let go of my head? It kinda hurts," Kon whined.

"What's your name?" Byakuya asked.

"I'm Kon," he answered.

Byakuya's grip loosened slightly, "I see. So your the clown Rukia mentioned."

"What! My sweet, darling Rukia called me a clown! How could she?" Kon sobbed.

"Byakuya's eyes narrowed, "What do you mean by sweet, darling Rukia?"

"Just what I said. Oh how I miss her her charming smile, her lovely voice, her warm, inviting, soft, cushiony mounds. I want her to come back so much," Kon continued sobbing.

Byakuya's grip tightened noticeably, "Her cushiony mounds?"

"You know, her breasts. What are you, like, her ex-boyfriend or something?" Kon asked.

Byakuya's eyes widened with rage, releasing such spiritual pressure that Kon trembled under the weight of it, "She's my sister."

All Kon could say in response was, "Oh crap!"

A/N: I had some trouble writing the poems, but it got done eventually. I am aware that I was bashing Orochimaru. I was trying to bash him. And for people who like Naruto, I hope you enjoyed this chapter because, with the exception of Bleach, each anime only gets one visitation chapter. Finally, Byakuya does beat the crap out of Kon. It may seem like a break in character, but he does love Rukia and there's no one from Soul Society there to see him. Thank you and review.


	4. Third Visit and Liquor Critique Club

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: It's been a long time since I last watched or read Yu-Gi-Oh so sorry if it's a little off, or way off. Any bars or taverns mentioned in the story are made up.

"I know last week's meeting was pretty stressful and a Toshiro was nearly molested, but this week will be better. We're visiting Pegasus and Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh," Ukitake announced.

"Isn't Bakura bipolar?" Toshiro asked.

"Not quite, he just has some kind of spirit or something living inside of him that comes out at times called Yami Bakura," Ukitake explained.

"So it's multiple personality disorder," Toshiro assumed.

"No, I really don't know what it is," Jushiro answered.

"What about Pegasus? Isn't he an evil corporate type?" Toshiro asked.

"I think so, but I can't say for sure," Jushiro responded.

"Whatever, you all know the drill; into the senkaimon," Toshiro commanded as he walked out of the room. The rest of them followed.

* * *

><p><p>

"Today marks the first meeting of the drinking club! Let's all do our best and get wasted!" Kenpachi shouted. The crowd of soul reapers cheered in reply.

Kyoraku stepped onto the table next to Kenpachi. "Alright everyone, listen up. We're going bar hopping today," he announced, "That means we'll go to a bar, party as loud as we can until we get thrown out, then go to another bar and repeat the process. To make sure this is a club activity, you'll each be given a piece of paper. I want you all to write down a rating for each bar's sake on a scale of one to ten. One being god awful, ten being incredibly good. I know it's a pain, but if we don't, then we have to do a sober activity. Does everyone understand?"

"Yes, president Kyoraku," the club answered.

"Now we do roll call," Kyoraku announced.

Shunsui: Abarai?

Renji: Here.

Shunsui: Ayasegawa?

Yumichika: Here and beautiful.

Shunsui: Hisagi?

Shuhei: Here.

Shunsui: Iba?

Iba: Ready to drink!

Shunsui: Izuru?

Kira: Here.

Shunsui: Kyoraku? Oh wait, that's me. Madarame?

Ikkaku: Here and bored.

Shunsui: Matsumoto?

Rangiku: Well of course I'm here.

Shunsui: Omaeda?

Silence answered.

Shunsui: Omaeda? I guess he's not here. Is he sick or something?

Rangiku: Actually, I may have forgotten to tell him where we were meeting...

Shuhei: That may be a good thing.

Shunsui: Zaraki?

Kenpachi: I'm kinda hard to miss.

Shunsui: Well then everyone important is accounted for. Let's go!

* * *

><p><p>

"Where are we?" Toshiro asked.

"You're in my castle. I welcome you," Pegasus greeted them.

"Hold on, so the senkaimon brought us into his castle? Usually we get out somewhere near the place and have to walk. That's kind of inconsistent," Toshiro explained skeptically.

"Interdimensional travel isn't an exact science. Just be happy we're in the right place," Ukitake answered him.

"Should I start over?" Pegasus asked, annoyed.

"No, that's quite alright. My friend here just had a question," Jushiro answered.

"Then follow me, I have everything set up for our meeting. Bakura's waiting inside," Pegasus said as he escorted them to a sitting room.

In the room there were three small couches and a chair arranged around a table with tea and assorted pastries upon it. Bakura was sitting in the couch at the north side of the room. Pegasus sat in the chair at the east side of the room. Ukitake sat on the west couch and invited Toshiro to sit with him, Toshiro instead opted to sit with Isane on the south couch.

Pegasus: Thank you all for coming.

Jushiro: Thank you for having us.

Bakura: It's nice to meet you all.

Jushiro: It's nice to meet you, too.

Pegasus: Feel free to help yourself to the refreshments.

Isane: Are there any fishcakes?

Pegasus: No, but I can have some brought here.

Isane: No! That's Okay! Really, it's fine.

Toshiro grabbed a cream puff and put it in his mouth.

Pegasus: Okay then... So you had some questions for us, Captain Ukitake?

Jushiro: Yes, and you can just call me Jushiro.

Pegasus: I'd rather not.

Jushiro: Is that so? Uh, then can you tell us the story behind your white hair?

Pegasus: My hair was black, bu it turned white when I obtained the Millennium Eye.

Bakura: My stories similar; my hair turned white when I got the Millennium Ring.

Jushiro: That's very interesting.

Pegasus: So I suppose you wouldn't mind if I asked how all of you got your white hair?

Jushiro: Of course not. My hair turned white due to my disease.

Chojiro: My hair's white because of my age.

Toshiro: I was born with it.

Isane: The stress from my nightmare's turned my hair white.

Bakura: That's terrible! What are your nightmares about?

Isane: Uh... drowning.

Bakura: I'm so sorry to hear that.

Chojiro: Wait, I thought your nightmares were about...

Chojiro was cut off by an elbow to the ribs from Ukitake.

Isane: They're getting less frequent.

Bakura: Well, that's a relief. If you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.

Pegausus: One of the servants will guide you to it.

After Bakura left the room, Pegasus's grin darkened considerably.

Pegasus: Good, now that he's gone we can begin the main event.

There were loud clangs as heavy steel bars fell across the doors and windows, blocking all the exits.

Pegasus: I only had Bakura here so you'd let your guard down. Now with him gone, we can discuss my plan. The gateway you came through; I plan to use it.

Jushiro: Use it for what?

Pegausus: A corporate venture.

Toshiro: Called it; evil corporate type.

Pegasus: I'm going to use it to sell vacations to Soul Society. People here would pay thousands to vacation where you live, and if I'm the only one who can provide that vacation, I can charge whatever I want for it!

Toshiro: That's all?

Toshiro sweatdropped.

"Well I won't stand for it! Let lightning be my sword and the waves be my shield, Sogyo no Kotowari!" Ukitake commanded and released his zanpakto, which he had brought along in case something bad happened.

Pegasus panicked. "Wait! Hold on! You're not allowed to use swords!" Pegasus told him.

"Huh? Why not?" Ukitake asked, confused.

"Because this is Yu-Gi-Oh, not Bleach, and there are no swords in Yu-Gi-OH," Pegasus explained.

"Okay then, Hado Number 4: Byakurai!" Ukitake shouted as he fired the kido from his fingertips.

Pegasus screamed and jumped out of his chair to avoid the attack. "No lightning hands either!" he shouted angrily, "This is Yu-Gi-Oh, not Star Wars."

"Well then how do you settle things here?" Ukitake questioned.

"We duel with cards," Pegasus explained.

"We duel with swords," Jushiro replied.

"Well if you want to fight me here you're going to need a deck like mine," Pegasus said and set his own deck on the table as an example.

"Huh? What's this?" Jushiro wondered and strolled over to the cards. He raised Sogyo no Kotowari and slashed the deck in half.

"Aiyaaaaaaaah!" Pegasus screamed. He sounded a lot like Yumichika the time he broke a nail.

"So does that mean I win?" Jushiro asked, scratching his head.

"Go!" Pegasus yelled and pointed towards the door, where the steel bars were already receding, "Just go! I want nothing to do with you people! Get out!"

"Thanks again for having us, we'll be on our way now," Jushiro said to the now crying Pegasus, and led the group out of the room and through the senkaimon.

Bakura came back into the room. When he saw Pegasus crying on the floor, he asked, "What happened? Did they not like the cream puffs?"

* * *

><p><p>

"Here we are at our first destination, the Tipsy Monkey," Kyoraku announced as the group approached a small tavern.

"They got good stuff here?" Kenpachi asked.

"Well that's for us to decide," Kyoraku answered, "Let's go in."

The club all entered the bar. When the bartender noticed them he greeted them with, "Welcome to the Tipsy Monkey. How many in your party?"

"Uh," Kyoraku looked back at the rest of the club and began counting on his fingers. When he finished, he told the bartender, "A lot."

"Okay," the bartender, who was used to stupid people, responded slowly, "Just sit wherever and I'll get you started."

The club all crowded around the small tables and the bar and were each poured a cup of sake. They all drank.

Shunsui: Okay, before we go on to our second glass, we each need to rate it.

Rangiku: It's got good taste, but relatively low alcohol content. I give it a five.

Shunsui: I trust Rangiku's judgment. Five.

Kenpachi: Oh, I get. Five.

Shuhei: Wait, so we're all just going to write down whatever Rangiku says?

Shunsui: You're free to rate it yourself, but it's easier to do that.

Kenpachi: We're not here to think, we're here to drink.

The rating for Tipsy Monkey:

Five: 7 votes (Rangiku and others)

Seven: 1 vote (Shuhei)

Three: 1 vote (Yumichika)

Shunsui: Looks like the average rating is five. Now that business is over, we can get down to drinking.

Rangiku: Yeah! Let's all get wasted!

One hour later the entire club was completely drunk with the exception of Omaeda, who was still looking for them.

Yumichika: Hey, Ikkaku.

Ikkaku: Yeah?

Yumichika: You shave your head, right?

Ikkaku: Yeah.

Yumichika: Then how come you don't own a razor?

Ikkaku: I use Hozukimaru to shave it.

Yumichika: No you don't, you're just bald.

Ikkaku: Shut up!

...

Kenpachi: Huh? What're you looking at, punk?

The support pillar said nothing.

Kenpachi: Hey! I'm talking to you!

The pillar did not respond.

Kenpachi: Oh yeah? Well I can take you on with just my bare hands! Take this!

Kenpachi punched the pillar. The pillar didn't even flinch.

...

Renji: Hey, Shuhei.

Shuhei: Yeah?

Renji: You should totally ask out Rangiku.

Shuhei: But I'm drunk.

Renji: She's drunk too, so it'll be fine.

Shuhei: What kind of reasoning is that?

Renji: Drunk reasoning! So it has to work!

Shuhei: I don't think so.

...

Shunsui: Sigh.

Kira: What's wrong, president?

Shunsui: I'm depressed because Nanao isn't here.

Kira: I get how you feel. Other than Rangiku, there aren't any girls here. She has the presence and boobs of at least three girls, but the ratio's still way off. You should go get Ise and some of her friends.

Shunsui: You're right. Hey, Kenpachi! Come over here for a sec!

Kenpachi: I'll deal with you later.

Kenpachi poked the pillar in what he assumed was it's chest and walked over to Kyoraku.

Kenpachi: What is it?

Shunsui: I''m going to go get Nanao and maybe some of her friends to come party with us.

Kenpachi: Hey, good idea. I'll go get Yachiru and her friends to come too!

Shunsui: Isn't Yachiru too young to drink?

Kenpachi: I'll worry about that later.

Kira: Hey everyone! The captains are going to go get some more girls to come drink with us!

Those who were paying attention cheered.

Shunsui: I think Nanao is in her own club meeting at the moment, so I'll just invite everyone there.

Kenpachi: Yeah, I'll do that too.

And so, the two captains left the Tipsy Monkey on their quest for female party guests.

A/N: This will be continued in the next chapter. Kenpachi will visit the Cat Fanclub and Shunsui will visit the poetry club. Also, the White Hair Club will be doing something unusual for their visit. Sorry for the long wait for this chapter.


	5. Fourth Visit and Club Interaction

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: This is where the story gets a little twisted, all four clubs will be featured in this chapter, but the White Hair Club will not leave the Bleach Universe. Contains spoiler for the ending of the battle of Karakura Town. Some mild language.

"Hello everyone!" Ukitake greeted his friends, "Today is very special, instead of visiting a character from another Anime/Manga, we will be visiting an old friend."

"Oh, do you mean Ex-Captain Muguruma?" Chojiro asked.

"No, not Kensei. But I'll be sure to add him to the list. We're going to be visiting Ex-Captain Ichimaru," Jushiro explained.

"Why him! Didn't he betray everyone to work with Aizen!" Toshiro shouted.

"It's true he did leave with Aizen, but if you think back, he never actually hurt anyone important," Jushiro pointed out.

"That's true, but it's still not safe to go to Las Noches with just the four of us," Chojiro expressed with concern.

"Relax. We're doing this to have fun, remember?" Ukitake insisted.

"I agree that this is a bad idea. We just can't trust that man," Isane added.

"Well, it's either him or Hidan," Ukitake informed them.

"Ichimaru it is!" Chojiro and Isane shouted in unison.

"Do I even get a say in this?" Toshiro asked.

"Yes, but you're outnumbered 3 to 1, so we're going. To the senkaimon!" Jushiro announced.

* * *

><p><p>

Captain Zaraki was running wildly towards the clubroom for the Cat Fanclub. Though without Yachiru to guide him, he arrived twenty minutes early. Kenpachi paid no attention to this.

"Hey, Yachiru, come on, we're going to a party!" Kenpachi bellowed as he literally burst through the door.

"Absolutely not!" Soifon shouted indignantly, "Yachiru will not leave this clubroom until the meeting is over!"

"Huh?" Kenpachi muttered and glanced over at Soifon, "Oh right, I came here to invite Yachiru's friends too. You can come if you want."

"No thank you. The club meeting is over in twenty minutes anyway, you can take Yachiru then," Soifon told him.

Kenoachi looked slightly annoyed. "Waiting's not really my thing. I'm just going to take Yachiru now," he said irritably.

He moved to pick up Yachiru, who was watching her father figure with glee, but Nemu stood in his way. "Please be patient and wait until the meeting is over," she ordered in her monotonous voice.

"Heh," Kenpachi chuckled, "Who's going to stop me?"

Kenpachi stepped forward, but paused when he saw Nemu reach into her sash. From it, she pulled a small, curious device. Kenpachi blinked. Nemu tossed the device to her right and it stuck to the wall. The device began flashing a variety of colors and let out a high pitched whistling. Kenpachi stared at it, unsure of whether or not it was a threat. While he was distracted, Nemu raised her leg, then brought it down in a powerful Axe Kick.

Normally, such a strike wouldn't even faze Kenpachi as he would have shielded himself with his massive spiritual pressure. However, in his relaxed, intoxicated state, he was completely vulnerable and took the full force of the bone crushing blow. Nemu had broken several bones in the area of his right shoulder, rendering his sword arm unusable.

"Ugh," Kenpachi let out before collapsing.

"He's unconscious," Nemu observed, "The primary cause is the alcohol in his system. The injury he suffered was a secondary cause."

"Wow! Nemu-Nemu beat Kenny!" Yachiru gasped.

"Yes, thank you, Nemu. Sajin, would you drag him outside. We can hold off carrying him to Squad Four until after the meeting.

"Sure," Sajin answered and hauled Zaraki's limp body away from the room. When he returned, he said, "I'm sorry. With all the noise I forgot what our meeting is about today."

"Due to the amount of success the SWA has had in the past with calenders of the most attractive male and female soul reapers, I decided we should make a kitten calender!" Soifon informed him gleefully.

"That sounds like fun," Komamura commented, his tail wagging involuntarily.

* * *

><p><p>

After exiting the precipice world, the club stepped out onto the air above Karakura Town. A few minutes later a garganta opened next to them. Gin smiled from inside and waved them in. Jushiro walked right in next to him, the others hesitated, but joined them because they didn't want to get left behind.

After stepping out of the garganta, Gin led them across the desert of Hueco Mundo and into Las Noches itself. After arriving in the castle, they walked through the corridors into a small room. They all sat down in white chairs arranged in a circle.

Gin: So, how have y'all been?

Jushiro: I've been well, thank you.

Toshiro: Why are we being friendly with this guy? He betrayed Soul Society.

Gin: Don't be like that Shiro-chan. I'm not really that bad.

Toshiro: What do you mean?

Gin: I only joined up with Aizen so I could get close to him and kill him. But of course, I've set it up so that you'll forget that little detail when ya leave.

Jushiro: See? He never meant any harm.

Toshiro: But what if Aizen or an espada finds us here? Then we'll have a fight on our hands.

Gin: Don't worry about that. All the espada tend to avoid me, so even if one does find us, I can scare him off.

Chojiro: Then what about Aizen?

Gin: I've got Tosen distracting him.

* * *

><p><p>

Tosen: Lord Aizen, do you have a moment?

Aizen: Yes, what is it, Kaname?

Tosen: I would like to discuss the finer points of justice with you.

Aizen: Certainly, Kaname. (mental facepalm)

* * *

><p><p>

Gin: Yeah, he'll be busy for a while.

Jushiro: Good. So what's it like living here in Las Noches?

Gin: Oh, it's really fun. The arrancars are just so fun to mess with.

Jushiro: What do you do with them?

Gin: Well, this one time I filled Grimmjow's pillow with catnip and watched him go crazy. Then this other time I slipped an M rated yaoi fic into a report from Aizen that Ulquiorra was supposed to read. His expression didn't change, but I heard vomiting noises coming from the bathroom later.

Toshiro: So you're weakening Aizen's army from the inside, and he thinks you're just playing around?

Gin: Close, but I'm really just playing around. Hey, you guys wanna go draw stuff on Stark's face while he's sleeping?

Jushiro: Can we really do that?

Gin: Sure, he's just the Primera, it'll be no problem.

Gin led the group out of the room and through the corridors to where Stark was sleeping on a pile of cushions and Lilinette was pouting against the wall.

Gin: Hey, Lilinette.

Lilinette: Who're these people?

Gin: Just some friends. They're gonna draw on Stark with me.

Lilinette: Good, the jerk deserves it for sleeping all the time.

Gin: Everyone take a marker. If there's no room left on his face, find another body part.

Gin passed out markers to the club members and began to draw on Stark. After writing "Kick if sleeping" on Stark's forehead, he invited the others to join.

Jushiro: I think I'll pass.

Toshrio: Me too.

Isane: Is there something else we could do? This just seems too cruel.

Gin: Fine, we could go down to the Menos Forest and see the Gillian.

Isane: That sounds better.

Gin led the club back through the corridor. While they were walking, they heard a soft thump followed by, "Gah, Lilinette, what'd you kick me for?" They all just kept walking.

Soon they exited Las Noches and traveled through a tunnel that led to an observation platform. From the platform, they could see large numbers of Gillian wandering around aimlessly.

Jushiro: Wow, this is a great view.

Tosen: It is. From up here, I can easily feel all of the individual Gillians' spiritual pressure.

Gin: Tosen, what're you doing here! You're supposed to be distracting Aizen!

Tosen: It was time to come check on the Menos' progress. And don't worry about distracting Lord Aizen. I've got my best man on it.

* * *

><p><p>

Wonderweiss: Ara! Ara!

Aizen: Okay, two words.

Wonderweiss: Uwaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aizen: Rhymes with uwaah...

* * *

><p><p>

Jushiro: So are you going to try to kill us?

Tosen: No, there would be no justice in killing you here. I just came to check on the Gillian. I'll be going now.

Chojiro: We should probably be going too.

Jushiro: Yeah, let's.

Gin: Alright, I'll take ya'guys home.

* * *

><p><p>

Captain Kyoraku stepped into the Kuchiki garden. The guards hadn't been much trouble, even though he was still drunk. He approached the club meeting which was currently under progress.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake" the..." Byakuya was cut off by Kyoraku stumbling through one of the nearby bushes.

"Hey! Nanao! Come drinking with me!" He yelled bluntly.

Byakuya, angered by the drunk captain's outburst, answered him instead, "Captain Kyoraku, you are not a member of this club nor are you welcome in my house. Leave."

"Aw, don't be like that, Byakuya. You and the others can come drinking with us too," Shunsui slurred.

"If you will not leave then I will make you leave," Byakuya declared as he stood up, "I challenge you to the one competitive form of poetry!"

"Huh?" Kyoraku looked at him, confused.

"I challenge you... to Rap Battle," Byakuya finished.

Kyoraku just stared at him, as did every member of the Literary Arts Club.

"Rukia, if you would be so kind as to lay down a phat beat," Byakuya said.

"S-sure," Rukia answered and began beatboxing.

Byakuya nodded his head as he adjusted to the tempo, and he began,

"I'm Byakuya Kuchiki, a man of great beau-ty!

I'll kick you're ass out of my house because it's my du-ty!

I've got girls in every country. My fanbase is Glo-bal!

The most respected man in Seireitei because I'm so no-ble!

I'm awesome! Amazing! You're just drunk and lazy.

If you think that you're a ladykiller then you're freaking crazy.

Even without Senkei, it's a massacre scene,

You're not even mature enough to be called a teen!

You may be a captain, but you're still a jerk!

You make you're lieutenant do all of _your_ paperwork!

You want to know the difference between us? It's class!

Now get the hell out of my house cause I just kicked your ass!

Restu and Momo cheered. Nanao had a wtf face on. Rukia continued beatboxing.

"That was pretty good," Kyoraku commented and tipped his hat to cover his face, "Unfortunately, it's not going to be enough to beat me."

To be continued...

A/N: When I first started writing this story, I never expected to include a rap battle. I'm guessing no one suspected it. Kyoraku's counter-rap will come in the next chapter.


	6. Fifth Visit and Club Interaction

The White Hair Club

Yamamoto decides that all the captains must form clubs for social purposes, so Ukitake forms a white hair club with all the other white, gray, or silvered haired soul reapers.

I don't own Bleach

A/N: In this chapter WHC goes out for another visit, Kyoraku raps, and Isane patches up Kenny, who gives possibly the best excuse you will ever hear.

"Good morning everyone!" Ukitake greeted them all cheerfully.

"It's afternoon, not that it really matters," Toshiro mumbled, "So who are we visiting today?"

"We're going to go see Near from Death Note!" Ukitake announced, "You'll like him, Toshiro. He's a child prodigy like you, except he's a detective, not an ice dragon."

"What kind of a name is Near?" Toshiro asked.

"An alias! If he told people his real name, then they'd write it down in their Death Note and kill him to death with it," Ukitake explained.

"What's a Death Note anyway?" Toshiro asked.

"It's a book that shinigami use to kill people," Jushiro answered.

"Like how lieutenant Ise uses her book to beat Captain Kyoraku nearly to death?" Toshiro inferred.

"Not quite, but you'll see when we get there. I've convinced their king of death to let us visit with Rem too," Ukitake told him.

"Wow, how did you do that?" Isane asked.

"I have incredible social skills," Jushiro answered, "Anyways, let's get going!"

* * *

><p><p>

Kyoraku stood silently in the garden, rose petals fluttering around him as he drew his blades.

"Katen Kyoketsu!" he summoned his swords, who responded by changing into their curved shikai. This served no purpose, other than looking cool of course. He began with at an amazingly fast pace,

"Time to show this little boy how it's done!

When it comes to laying down the rhymes I'm number one!

I'm going to be attacking while you're on the run!

You'll feel the lines I'm spitting out more deadly than a gun!

Take-Oni, Iro-Oni, Kage-Oni, Go!

I'm about to teach you how to put on a show!

I'm taking Nanao with me, that's how it's gonna go!

I'm rapping fast as lightning and you're rapping fast as snow!

You're just another pretty boy with a stick up his ass!

Standing there so helplessly while I take you to class!

I'm better than you boy, so don't be givin' me no sass!

Fall to your hands and knees and bow before me on the grass!

You think I must chase women? You think I beg and plead?

Well at least I'm not in love with dumb Ambassador Seaweed!

You've got way to much pride! There's just no need.

A foolish kid like you couldn't possibly lead!

You say I'm drunk and lazy. I'm just trying to have fun.

I'm not a shut-in like you who never sees the sun.

You know that it's ended. You know that it's done.

You know that it's over. You know that I won."

With the last line, he pointed his katana at Byakuya. The rose petals ceased to fall. Byakuya bowed his head in defeat. "Very well," he said, "I will not stop you from taking Nanao."

Kyoraku turned to where Nanao was perched on the roof behind him holding a half empty bowl of rose petals, which were out of place in the sakura tree dominated garden.

"You here that Nanao? I won! Let's go drinking now!" he shouted up to her.

"Not happening!" she shouted back down, dumping the remaining rose petals on him, then throwing the bowl itself for good measure, hitting him directly on the head.

"So cruel, Nanao," Kyoraku cried before passing out on the bed of roses.

"If you had no intention of going with him, then why did you climb up on the roof to shower him with rose petals?" Byakuya asked.

"Didn't you notice? Momo's spazzing out again. Look," she responded.

"Hey, Rukia. Do you know what my favorite thing about Captain Aizen was?" Momo asked threateningly.

"Uh, no. What?" Rukia asked in return.

"The way his nose smelled," Momo answered.

"Really?" Rukia sweatdropped.

"Yep, his nose smelled like coconuts!" Momo exclaimed.

"I just didn't feel comfortable sitting next to her any longer," Nanao continued.

"I understand," Byakuya replied.

"Well, this was entertaining, but I have to go back to the medical division now. I'll see you all next week," Unohana told them and left.

* * *

><p><p>

"Welcome to my headquarters," Near greeted the group as they walked in, escorted by Rester.

"Thank you. Your headquarters is very nice," Jushiro commented.

"Only the best for L," Near replied.

Near was sitting on the floor with a collection of toys gathered around him. The majority was made up of robots and alien looking figures. Seeing no chairs, Jushiro sat down next to Near on the floor. The other club members did the same.

"Touch this," Near commanded. After each member touched the piece of paper Near held out, they were able to see Rem, who was standing off to the side.

"Hi there," Jushiro said cheerfully to Rem.

"Hey," the female shinigami responded.

"So now that we are all assembled, let us begin our discussion," Near said.

"Alright then. Near why is your hair white?" Jushiro asked.

"I was born with white hair, so the cause is genetic," Near answered.

"That's almost everyone's reason for white hair," Toshiro commented somewhat sarcastically.

"Now, Toshiro, don't be rude. Remember that a lot of people also have white hair from old age like Chojiro, who's probably still here," Ukitake corrected him.

"That's right, I am still here," Chojiro added.

"Now I would like to determine the differences between the shinigami of Bleach and the Shinigami of Death Note," Near explained.

"We carry notebooks and if we write someone's name and cause of death in the notebook, then they die. Also, whatever remained of that person's lifespan is added to our own," Rem elaborated.

"That's actually closer to a hollow than to a soul reaper," Jushiro told them, "Your shinigami are basically gods of death who cause people to die while our shinigami are soul reapers who guide the souls of the already dead to the afterlife and exorcise hollows, who are demented souls that eat wholes to feed their emptiness."

"Interesting," Near said thoughtfully.

"When humans of shinigami die in our world, they become nothing. But in your world, whenever someone dies, they just show up somewhere else, right?" Rem questioned.

"Pretty much. Even when Arroneiro and Szayal Aporro died, they just appeared again in the underworld even though they were already technically dead," Jushiro mentioned.

"I have all the information I need now," Near announced, "You may all leave."

"Bye," Rem said and walked out through the door.

"Wait, hold on. That was a little rude of you, don't you think?" Toshiro said, peeved.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to stay and play robots with me?" Near asked apologetically.

"No!" Toshiro burst out.

"Ah, so you do, but are too self conscience to act child like in front of your co-workers. That is understandable," Near analyzed.

"Hey, we should go catch up with Rem," Jushiro told Chojiro and Isane, then dragged them out of the room.

"But why?" Isane complained, "Toshiro would look so cute playing with toy robots. I wanted to see that."

"If we were watching him play robots with Near now, he'd be too insecure to ever play again," Jushiro explained, "We have to just stay out of this."

"Okay," Isane gave in.

"Which robot would you like to be?" Near asked.

"The blue one," Toshiro answered after a moment's contemplation.

"Very well. You will be Brave Kaiser. I choose to be Drill," Near said and picked up a yellow mecha with a large drill for it's right hand and handed the blue one to Hitsugaiya.

Both boys raised their robots' arms into a fighting position and set them on the floor. Then they moved the robots to attack each other while holding them by their waists. They attacked each others' robots with their own in a melee of flailing plastic arms.

Near: I hit Brave Kaiser in the chest with my drill, that means he's dead.

Toshiro: No it doesn't, his armor's too thick for you to do that.

Near: No it's not, my drill can cut through anything.

Toshiro: No way, that's too strong. It can't do that!

Near: Yes way, that's his magic power.

Toshiro: Robots can't have magic powers! Ow! You just poked my finger with the tip of it!

Near: Well you"re holding it so that your hand's covering his entire chest. You can't do that.

Toshiro: Well if your robot gets a drill that can cut through anything, then my robot gets heat vision that can melt anything.

Near: Nuh-uh, it's impossible to fit a machine big enough to do that in his head.

Toshiro: Yah-huh, it's magic so I don't need a big machine to do it.

Near: Fine! It doesn't matter anyways, I'm still gonna win.

Toshiro: Ow! You just poked me again! You meanie!

Near: Well it's not my fault you don't know how to play robots, stupid head.

Toshiro: That's it! I'm leaving!

Toshiro stormed out the door and joined the group.

"So did you have fun?" Jushiro asked politely.

"No! Near's just a stupid jerk," Toshiro answered.

"Aw, that's too bad," Isane cosoled him.

"Yeah. Hey, Ukitake," Toshiro said.

"What is it, Toshiro?" Jushiro asked curiously.

"Can we come back next week?" Toshiro asked reluctantly.

"We'll see, Toshiro," Ukitake answered with a smile.

"Aw, Toshiro made a friend!" Isane cooed.

"He's not my friend!" Toshiro snapped. Then he stared at his feet and muttered, "He just has some cool robots."

* * *

><p><p>

When Isane arrived at the medical division, her captain was already waiting there.

"Welcome back, Isane," Unohana greeted her.

"Thank you, Captain," Isane replied.

"We have an interesting patient today, Isane," Unohana told her.

"Really, who?" Isane asked.

"It's Squad Eleven Captain, Kenpachi Zaraki. Captain Komamura brought him in just now. He's beat up pretty bad, and he smells like sake," Unohana explained.

"So he got drunk, picked a fight with Captain Komamura, and lost?" Isane questioned.

"Not exactly, but it's close to that. I'll let Zaraki tell you himself," Unohana smiled mischievously and walked off. Isane took this as indication that she would be treating the drunk captain herself.

"Captain Zaraki, are you awake?" Isane asked as she entered Kenpachi's room, which she had found by smell.

"Huh? Oh. It's you," Kenpachi slurred in response.

"Okay, it's good that you're awake. Now can you tell me what happened?" Isane asked.

"I lost a fight," Kenpachi answered bluntly.

"With Captain Komamura?" Isane suggested.

"With that one braided chick," Kenpachi answered.

"You mean Captain Unohana!" Isane was shocked.

"No, the other braided chick, Nemu," Kenpachi corrected her.

Isane tilted her head to the side, "Eh?"

"You know, that freak from Squad twelve's daughter," Kenpachi explained unnecessarily.

"I know who Nemu is. I just don't understand how she could beat you in a fair fight, even if you are drunk," Isane explained after gaining her composure.

"Well that's the thing. It wasn't a fair fight," Kenpachi replied.

"How wasn't it fair?" Isane asked.

"See distaked ee wi sumim shawnee..." Kenpachi muttered.

Isane tilted her head to the other side, "Eh?"

"She distracted me with something shiny!" Kenpachi yelled bitterly.

Isane just stared at him with disbelief. He stared back at her. She realized he was serious, and when she did, she remembered her years, no, decades of being trained not to laugh at any patient no matter what happened to them. She remembered the time a guy bit his own finger off on a dare. She remembered the girl who had third degree burns because she told Momo she thought Aizen was gay. She remembered the man who thought it would be a good idea to tape a "kick me" sign to Captain Kurotsuchi's back. She even remembered the unfortunate fellow who told Rangiku she had crow's feet. And she remembered them all as she was rolling on the floor, laughing...her...ass...off.

A/N: Those who argue that Byakuya won the battle becauase he had better lyrics, know that Kyoraku won the battle through showmanship. The mechas I used for Near and Shiro's play time were taken from "Mayoi Neko Overrun." I'm pretty sure Aizen isn't actually gay, but I'm not positive. If this chapter made you laugh, you are obliged to review. If you don't, I'll have Nemu distract _you_ with something shiny. Then she'll axe kick you to death. Hard.


	7. On Hiatus

On Hiatus

This story is currently on hiatus because I don't like to work on more than one story at once, and I have other stories ideas I want to work on. This fic could be any number of chapters so I don't want to complete it now, but I want to write some other stories for a while.

Though to make sure you aren't completely disappointed, here is a list of characters you can expect to see in future chapters when the story is resumed:

Elfman, Mirajane, and Makarov from Fairy Tale

Vampire Moka from Rosario + Vampire

Kensei the Visored

Haku of the Vocaloids

**Prussia from Hetalia**

Hatsuharu and Ayame from Fruits Basket

Soul from Soul Eater

Kiriya Nozomi from Mayoi Neko Overrun

Primula from Shuffle!

Laura Bodewig from IS: Infinite Stratos

Zero from Vampire Knight

Lawrence from Spice and Wolf

Snake, The Undertaker, Angela, and Ashe from Black Butler

Nozomi from Kanokon

Allen Walker from D. Gray Man

Griffith from Berserk

Haru from Rave Master

Mimi from Rin

Hollow Ichigo from Ichigo's inner world

Angel from Angel Beats

Ibuki from Hoshizora e Kakaru Kashi

Chizuru from Nekogami Yaoyorozu

Urd from Oh! My Goddess

Furuichi Takayuki from Beelzebub

I am not familiar with most of the stories and characters on this list, but I plan to familiarize myself with those characters before writing their chapters. If there are any characters I left out that you want to see in this story, review or pm me that characters name **and** the anime he/she is from. I am willing to do any character from any anime regardless of genre, appearance, or personality. Thank you!

I will update this list as I get new characters to use in the story, please submit any character name from any anime. I want people to suggest anime that I've never even heard of. I'll make it happen.


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